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Relationship Advice: Love Creates the Common Ground, Sherrie Campbell, Ph.D.

Life is all about relationships and relationships are our greatest teachers, why?  Because relationships are difficult.  The truth is it can be extremely difficult to find common ground in our own relationships. Everyone takes in this world through their own filters.  Most human beings are agenda oriented based in their perceptions rather than relationship oriented based in the bigger picture.  We, to some extent, are all agenda oriented, so, when our perceptions are different it is easy to lose common ground.

Five Ways Love Creates the Common Ground:

1). Look to the intention:  At the core the majority of us are good people and have good intentions.  How we process our emotion and the style of our communication is what gets us into peace or into conflict.  There is no good reason to rage at anyone because there is a calm and thoughtful solution to every problem.  Love comes from being responsive not reactive and taking our time to solve our relationship differences and using our good intentions.

2). See past somone’s stuff:  We need to learn that when we love somebody and we are their partner or friend that they are human. They will have bad days and bad moods but we still need to be able to provide them love that has no agenda other than healing.  This does not mean that we cannot set the appropriate and healthy boundaries which need to be set, especially if someone is treating us poorly.  It does mean, however, that we need to allow those that we love to feel that they have room to be human.  They need to experience from us that they can have human moments and we will still love them even when they are not treating us perfectly.

3). Love yourself:  It’s not easy to love all the time, but if you love yourself then you can offer that love to others and create common ground.  You can even love someone through the ending of a relationship.  Let’s say you have to end a relationship with someone, this too can be done with love.  It will all come down to how you communicate and not being reactive.  We can need to have someone out of our lives and still hold them in high thoughts. If we get focused on blame rather than boundaries then we are having an agenda rather than love as the common ground.

4). Take your time:  To be relationship/love oriented give your time, attention and listening to those you are in relationship with.  With these three activities any and all conflicts can come to peace.  The only left over feeling after genuinely expelling your thoughts and emotions is love and a sense of clarity.

5). Love is the core:   In reality, love is knowing that every single thing that lives, breathes and grows—from the smallest seedling to the human being—has a purpose.  We must value each other and see the higher purpose in each other. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is let go of a relationship.  Other times the most loving thing you can do is fight for a relationship.  Many people see letting go of relationships as rejection.  I see that often letting go of a relationship is in the best interest of both people involved and with loving communication given by even one partner brings the end of a relationship a sense of understanding and integrity.

Sure, we all come from very different backgrounds. But the point is that we can create understanding and connection—in spite of our differences— through the practice of human dignity.  Accept people for who they are and where they are at.  Make loving decisions for yourself and your partner based upon that bigger picture of acceptance.

To accept the differences in others that you are in relationship with and allowing them to be the full expression of who they are brings a sense of maturity into the connection.  Acceptance of others will be birthed out of the love and acceptance you have for yourself.  If you find that you are not able to add these five elements of love to your relationships then scale back and focus on giving these five elements to yourself.  As you become adept at doing this in your relationship with yourself, then you will easily and effortlessly be able to apply this to others in time.

Little life Messagelove yourself and your relationships will shift.

Dr. Sherrie Campbell is an author and a licensed Psychologist with more than nineteen years of clinical training and experience. She provides practical tools to help people overcome obstacles to self-love and truly achieve an empowered life. She is a featured expert on a variety of national websites and has a successful practice in Southern California.  Join her facebook fan page by pushing the like button on the website.  You can purchase her book Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person on her website Sherrie Campbellphd.com.

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Dr. Sherrie Campbell is a licensed counselor, psychologist, and marriage and family therapist in Yorba Linda, CA,
providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California.

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